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APRECIATION

Appreciation can make a day, even change a life. Your willingness to put it into words is all that is necessary.”(Margaret cousins)

When was the last time you appreciated her?  Did you notice her new hair style? What did you say about it?  What about her manicure? And her new dress that compliment her body graciously?  Did you say a simple thank you for her newly acquired skills in cooking?   She gives herself to you whenever you feel like, have you ever said a simple thank you?

This beautiful children you boast about all over, do you tell her congrats for them?

Appreciation has the power to solve problem and recreate your relationship with her.    On most relationship what dominates is complaining, why not change gear in your relationship and stop focusing on what you are complaining about the other person.   Focus on what you can appreciate from your partner.
Someone told me, “There is nothing good to report about her!” Do you think the same? Just take a pen and a paper. Remember from the day you met up to date; I believe the list is endless.

It is good to notice what is not good in your relationship for contrast purposes but focus all your energy on the positive .we are supposed to compliment each other.

A person who feels appreciated reciprocates by doing more than expected. You wish to multiply goodness, start appreciating.

Stop wasting time looking for what you don’t have, appreciate what you have .learn to live a life of gratitude.  A simple sincere thank you, can be the most important encouragement that your partner needs yet the cheapest.
Men should give gifts of love, affection, attention, care and appreciation, they are priceless.

Ladies should learn to say thank you…. for staying even if you had every reason to leave, thank you for making it easier when life gets hard.

CANTICLE OF CANTICLES 3

Song of Songs 3

This is a wonderful song than any other. Poetry and songs composed on Love  are so appealing to the Heart, mind and the body.

Many interpret this book in spiritual manner but i have interpreted it in a literal manner;  just like i feel it!

All night long on my bed           
I looked for the one my heart loves;
I looked for him but did not find him.
 I will get up now and go about the city,
through its streets and squares;
I will search for the one my heart loves.
So I looked for him but did not find him. 

There is repetitions of words; “looked”, “Find”, “whom my soul/heart Loves” What a fantasy!? she wakes up, she looks for him in the entire house. “Is he in the bathroom? Is he in the kitchen?  Has he gone out to check the kids? Where is he?” “I sought him, but did not find him” this show that she is longing for his presence and she is looking for him ( power of imagination) but she did not find him. She goes out of the house, it is at night, she does not fear empty streets. She is seeking whom her soul loves.
 The watchmen found me
    as they made their rounds in the city.
    “Have you seen the one my heart loves?”
 Scarcely had I passed them
when I found the one my heart loves.
I held him and would not let him go
till I had brought him to my mother’s house,
to the room of the one who conceived me.
 Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you
by the gazelles and by the does of the field:
Do not arouse or awaken love
until it so desires.

Watchmen found her to searching for her beloved but they could not help her find him. She does not give up. She continues with her search and it yields results; She finds whom her soul loves.

“I held him and would not let him go” Just picture this; Your husband is a military man he goes for a long time, maybe six months before he comes home. The embrace that follows his arrival is such described here. That embrace that makes everything else stand still, that embrace that is full of emotions. She holds onto him until she reaches her mother’s house and in the “chambers/room”. In traditional Hebrew marriage consummation was done in mother’s house. She is imagining this consummation taking place as it should be, showing that this girl knows and follows her tradition which says no intimacy before marriage. On the previous examples of a military; after the embrace if no one is in the house you may proceed and take an intense intimacy not a must in the bed but even over the counter!

“Daughters of Jerusalem.” Don’t stop my dream, “Do stir up or awaken love until it is ready!” My romantic fantasy is not to be interrupted!

Who is this coming up from the wilderness
like a column of smoke,
perfumed with myrrh and incense
made from all the spices of the merchant?
Look! It is Solomon’s carriage,
escorted by sixty warriors,
the noblest of Israel,
all of them wearing the sword,
all experienced in battle,
each with his sword at his side,
prepared for the terrors of the night.

A wedding procession, it was very beautiful “perfumed with myrrh and frankincense.” This is the Beautiful girl brought in to wedding event, and she is protected by men, mightier men “each with swords at his thigh” By sending his men shows that Solomon is willing and able to protect his maiden.Do I need to say every man should be like this to his beloved? Yes, I have now! 

King Solomon made for himself the carriage;
he made it of wood from Lebanon.
Its posts he made of silver,
its base of gold.
Its seat was upholstered with purple,
its interior inlaid with love.
Daughters of Jerusalem,
 come out,
and look, you daughters of Zion.
Look
 on King Solomon wearing a crown,
the crown with which his mother crowned him
on the day of his wedding,
the day his heart rejoiced.

Solomon comes into this wedding on an ornate or “palanquin” or simply a “carriage” that is a portable couch carried by men on shoulders, Showing he is an important man.

On wedding day the couple used to wear a crowns. It is a tradition now. A lady wears it but on the man’s part, it is not done but in some cultures it is still done.

“On the day of his wedding, the day of the gladness of his heart” They enjoyed it, they were happy, everyone who was present enjoyed and was glad together with them.

What a great wedding it was imagined or real!

 

 

 

EROTIC FANTASY

Sue”  “Susan”  “Susan!”. Her body shuddered as she  reluctantly come back to reality. “where are you?” Jane asked,   “in my own world” Susan answered. “okay Sorry I startled you.”          Jane apologized sincerely and with that Sue drifted back to her world.

“………………………he went for her lips, they fitted perfectly, almost simultaneously their tongues met, twined, with the fire and hunger they explored, one of his hand on the back of her head and the other on her lower back, he lowered her to the grass.

His lips moved from her mouth to her cheeks, her neck, as he moved he lit fire, down he moved to her breasts.

He caressed her through the siphon fabric of her dress using his fingers and his lips. He unbutton her dress removed her bra and he continued working on the breasts, rubbing with his fingers and brushing his tongue from side to side on the nipples of her breast; He sucked them, kissed them, sucked them, again and again, The fire was lit and she moaned softly from the thrill. They changed position, the act of giving and receiving;………. she kissed him, passed her hands in his hair, kissed his neck, biting his flat nipples, she slid lower to the abdomen, tracing the navel with her fingers, lower she slid, found the fly of his trouser, he was hard, they switched positions; they stripped each other, and he took her, pulled closer to him, and entered her slowly…… (the other part is in between somewhere).

With the power of imagination and in the privacy and safety of our minds,we form scenarios which we may later act on or not act on.

This scenarios come from our general activity, past experiences, anticipated events and our wishes;that wish of a perfect lover.

We fantasize about real people we know personally, strangers, fictitious characters, or  “idols” from all over the world. For example, a movie character who has 6 packs, full of muscles that we dont even know.

The combination that we get from internally generated fantasies and physical pleasure is very powerful since it leads to several arousal and pleasure.

DIFFERENCE OF FANTASY IN MEN AND WOMEN.

The more the sexual attitude, the longer and the more explicit form of erotic fantasies.

In Women the fantasy are more on sensory imagery-imagery of touch, sight, sound, taste and smells. They involve voluntarily submitting to a sexual situation that is pleasures.

While on men focus of fantasy is on body parts and sex acts, where he is powerful and aggressive. Common theme of men is coercing to have sex with them and them complying.

Fantasy is a dream like, sensuous or very explicit and vigorous.

GOODNESS OF FANTACIES

Fantasy are “organismic triggers” that is why therapist encourage it since it leads to intensified sexual arousal.

You engage in forbidden or impossible sexual situations when fantasying-in the fantasy you “test out” and create an “ideal response!” as you would wish for in real world.

The more Happy Erotic fantasy you have, lead to more satisfying sexual activity.

Fantasy help relive good sexual memories.

Fantasizing prepares you to win in the future, just like football players imagine winning the big game before they go to the field, so can you imagine winning in a perfect lovemaking act or Lover.

Fantasy lead to creativity with a real partner, since it is just like mental rehearsal of future possibilities.

Fantasy rules over two-thirds of the universe, the past and the future, While reality is confined in the present. (John Richter)

Sexual fantasy are normal,safe and potentially useful when shared with your lover.

“……………… She moaned softly, moving her hands up and down from his neck to his buttocks, the feelings somersaulting through her body and the blood rushing through her veins, Pleasure building by the second, with every stroke she moaned and urged him on, she wished he would never stop, he continues entering, withdrawing, deeper with each stroke, she opened wider her thighs, the sensation is out of this world, the shaking, the rhythm, the kissing……..

” sue, Susan!  Why are you shaking? What are you thinking?” Susan rose slowly from the couch and went out without even looking at her sister.

Erotic fantasies are pleasurable, self-enhancing , and just plain fun.

Day dream, “Fantasize!”

 

SEXUAL PERFORMANCE ANXIETY

This beautiful lady comes to my office, and when I say beautiful I mean Beautiful! A lady with a chocolate complexion, has rounded cheeks, and when she laughs you see the cute dimples, she has natural hair, long and free flowing hair. Let me stop there… Just believe me she’s beautiful. After the usual exchange of Pleasantries my tongue goes, “How can I help you?”

she adjusts her  sitting position, her facial changes, “He can’t rise to the occasion, He can’t do it, it can’t erect.”  “Is he sick?” I ask. “No, actually I can’t remember the last time he was sick.”   my next question, “Does he go for checkups,”  “Yes, he does it since his insurance requires it.” she answers with tone rising. “Has he done any test, connected to the same, him not being able to erect?”  “Yes, and it has reported no problem” she anwers showing frustration 

“How is his work?” I continue enquiring,  “He is okay there, actually he was promoted 6 months ago.” She answered with a faded smile. “Okay, do you think there is anything big that has happened that is stressing him?” I ask.  “No, we are at the best of our life”  Silence, you could hear a pin drop

This gives me new perspective, ANXIETY!

SEXUAL PERFOMANCE ANXIETY

In simple English, it is Sexual performance worry, worrying and asking yourself questions: “Am I going to perform?”  is my organ the right size?”  ‘is she loving it?”  How do I look to her when nude?” This worry can take away your concentration and focus and thus lack of performance and avoiding it all together.

CAUSES OF THIS ANXIETY

Worry over your penis size

Worry you gone have pre mature ejaculation

Value you place on your body

Fear that you might not perform well.

Problems in the relationships

Will I reach orgasm?” this is on women

How does this anxiety affect you?

On men this anxiety triggers a body reaction by hormones which restrict blood flow; erection is made and sustained by proper blood flow to the penis.

On women, it takes away the desire to make love.

The worst of it all is that if you worry you can’t perform, you don’t perform and your anxiousness grows to the next levels.

WINNING OVER SEXUAL PERFORMING ANXIETY.

Inner voice:– check on what you tell yourself. Stop self-defeating argument within you.

Talking with your partner:You might find that you are worried of nothing, just by opening up to your partner and agreeing on the best way forward solves alot.

Consider intimacy in other ways:-Actual sex is not the only way to give pleasure, you can do sensual massage, use his big toe on your clit, do some bathing together,

imagine it and do it together!

And When doing the actual thing why not put on some romantic music for that matter.

 

KISSING

Your lips Distill nectar, my bride, Honey and milk are under your tongue”

Someone said this to you;

when was the last time,

when lips are pressed to mine.

I am made drunk and need not wine.

When we kiss and the warm lips half open,

I fly cloud high without beer.

Or even this one:

I’ll kiss her before everyone that they all may see my love.

I stir those feelings and your imagination go wild.

Have you ever looked at someone and said;

Those lips, I wish they touched mine.”

Oh my, what a shape, oh.., what a color of the lips” –imagining it, You are very normal.

Every one has what he believe kissing is but for me I believe a kiss signifies one thing; A passionate love that transcends life itself.

Kisses comes packaged in different levels and flavors: There is non-contact kiss “air-kiss”, the superficial hasty cheek peck and the wildest oral adventures of the tongue, lips, and teeth.

A kiss may mean nothing and may mean a lot depending on the context and culture.

A kiss can express love, sexual attraction, passion, sexual arousal, respect, greetings, affection and friendship. Did you know a kiss can be a virtual, formal symbolic gesture indicating devotion?

A kiss can be a way of saying “real sex” is on the way or it can be part of a “ formal” gesture.

Many think that kissing is a western thing or it just started the other day but kissing is universal. From different poems such as Shakespeare’s and paintings of the old Such as “Romeo and Juliet” by Sir Frank Dicksee show that Kissing has been there for a long time. How it started am yet to be sure but I guess it is instinctual.

Attitudes towards kissing varies; for example, liberal attitudes towards sex or the rising infection of AIDS may discourage people to engage in formal kissing as well.

Mouths can roam further than a partners mouth. Almost every body part can be sucked, bitten, Licked, the passion being the driving force.

The Bible is not left behind about kissing. Look at this instances;

Genesis 29:11 features first kiss of the man-woman in the Bible.

“…….and Jacob Kisses Rachel, and lifted up his voice, and wept.”

In songs of Solomon – “…… may he kiss me with the kisses of his mouth, for your love is better than wine.”

Romantic kiss may require more than close proximity and it might require a degree of privacy and intimacy.

BENEFITS

Apart from sexual arousal or showing respect on formal occasion, kissing for affection is generally good for stress-reducing effects. Also the blood rush caused by kissing is good for cardiovascular system by burning cholesterol (Experiment by Alexander Devees)

(Part of Poetry got from Daphnis and Chloe – Love story)

Am yearning to be kissed.

That unexpected kiss that lights fire in me!

Her lips are softer than the roses leaf,

her mouth is sweet as honey,

and her kiss inflicts on me more pain than a bee’s sting.

I have often kissed my lambs but never have I known aught like this.

My pulse is beating fast, my heart throbs,

it is as if I were about to suffocate,

yet, never the less,

I want to have another kiss.

Strange…..!

PREMATURE EJACULATION

“………………………………….Am prepared for him, I put it in a good position but immediately he is in, all my effort goes to the wind!…. Am so much disappointed and am exhausted.”  I can bet my bottom most dollar, no therapist who is practicing can say they have not heard such a statement coming from a woman.

Call it early ejaculation, rapid ejaculation or premature ejaculation it remains to be one of the most common problem in men. Which with frequent repetition leads to feeling of inadequacy and guilt. This may also lead to avoidance of intercourse.

Ejaculation is considered ‘premature’ if it occurs 15 seconds of intromission (inserting the penis into the Virgina in sexual intercourse). While others studies show that ejaculation is considered premature if it occurs ‘before the person wishes.’ If it is persistent for a long period that is when it becomes a problem.

CAUSES

There are several things blamed on causing premature ejaculation;

  • Sexual performance anxiety
  • hasty masturbation and love making “quick!” done mostly when you were a youth making it persist in your future
  • Inflammation of the prostate gland
  • Sensitivity levels of the Penis.

INTERVENTIONS

The man “staying power” can be improved by:-

1.Awareness when ejaculation is close

2. Start-stop technique – After stimulation and he feels the ejaculation coming, at this point he stops, wait for it to subside and then returns to what he was doing, this is repeated several times before the man allows himself to ejaculate.

3. Squeeze technique:- a partner is shown how to apply firm pressure on the frenulum (located after the glans on penis at the lower side) with the thumb and on the corona (located on the upper side of a penis after the glans/head). With third and second finger until the urge to ejaculate is lost.

4. Medication; This means you need to talk with your physician.This works if you have premature ejaculation caused by prostatitis the doctor gives you antibiotics and you are healed.

5.Kegel Exercise for men; Also known as pelvic floor exercises. This is done for 3 minutes several times in a day. The muscles involved in releasing urine from the bladder are the same muscle used in ejaculation.By spotting this muscles and exercising then you get more intense and controlled orgasm.

How do you spot the muscles to be exercised?

  • When urinating, stop or slow down the urine flow.
  • The muscle of the legs, abdomen, and buttocks, should not be tensed.
  • Once you have stopped the urine, count slowly from one to ten then release the urine.

Do this repetitively and several times in a day.

  • Once you have stopped the urine it means you have spotted the muscle and you can do it even when not urinating.

Premature ejaculation should not decide your sex life, it should not destroy your relationship and it is curable although not always by medicine.

“I hope you are not trying to last an hour!”

 

PAINFUL SEX (COITUS)

Painful sexual intercourse mostly is a complain common in women more than men. Them that love vocabularies they call it dyspareunia.

What are the painful places in women?

  • On the clitoris,
  • Around the virginal entrance
  • Inside the vagina
  • Deep in the cervix or the pelvis.

In men pain is felt on the penis or on the testes.

Painful intercourse may lead to decreased sexual enjoyment or total abstinence from sex.

Causes

  • Developmental malfunctions.
  • Incompletely ruptured hymen.
  • Sexual guilt
  • Unhappy relationship.
  • Untreated gonorrhea
  • Infection of the bladder
  • Scars from tearing; during parturition (giving birth), episiotomy (surgical cuts), sexual assault or female circumcision.
  • Virginal atrophy (thinning of virginal walls that occur with age)
  • Allergic reactions to such as condom or latex
  • Virginal dryness
  • Vaginismus, which is the closing of the virginal entrance

Treatment

A thorough medical check up is the place to begin. Painful intercourse can be treated by treating the underlying condition, however there several approach to use when dealing with a partner who has such a problem. Number one is communication between the two of you; he can’t imagine it unless you address it openly and directly. Number two, use of lubrication jelly. Number three, is avoiding allergic latex. Number four is, in cases of sex phobia upbringing, psychotherapy is the most appropriate approach. Number five is by doing sex exercises such as use of dilators.
Sex was meant to be exciting so why don’t we make it so!